"Pencil and paper have helped me fight eating disorders."

I remember the year I fell ill with perfect clarity. Suddenly, my life took a dramatic turn. Light gave way to darkness. I plunged into a deep well, trying to find the happiness that the illness promised. It was a well from which it was very difficult to climb out, full of obstacles that I had to overcome.

I think I would divide my years of illness into two stages . A first stage, in which the monster of anorexia took control of my life, and in which I was unaware of what was happening to me. And a second stage, already aware that I needed help, in which the monster of anorexia, seeing that it "needed reinforcements," called on its friend bulimia to help keep me trapped in the abyss.

That first stage of anorexia nervosa was characterized by extreme control: control over food (quantities, cooking methods, meal times…), control over exercise, control over my body weight… Everything had to be meticulously structured in my mind, and if anything deviated from that control, from those rules I had set for myself, I felt like the worst person in the world. Because my real problem wasn't with food, it was with my inner world. Not knowing how to express my feelings for years, pleasing others before myself, not knowing how to say no… had led to a complete loss of control over my life, and I thought I had found the solution in the eating disorder.

I remember the second stage as a return to total loss of control. It seemed the monster of anorexia was angry with me for turning my back on it and sent its companion, bulimia, as punishment, to take away my control and plunge me into the chaos that terrified me so much. Then began the period of binge eating, compensatory behaviors, restrictions … a vicious cycle that was very difficult to break. I was incapable of being alone at home without raiding the pantry and devouring everything I found. On the surface, I was just gobbling up food. But what I was really doing was swallowing all the feelings that were hurting me so much because I didn't know how to manage or express them. Then, when I got rid of what I had eaten, it was a way of expelling those feelings from within. For me, getting rid of the food was a way of releasing those emotions that I couldn't get out of my system.

This period was very difficult, as I was already aware that I was ill. I wanted to recover, I wanted to live again, but the monster of bulimia gripped me with its tentacles and wouldn't let me escape. Those were years of intense anxiety, during which I resorted to self-harm and lost the will to live.

And in the midst of all this emotional turmoil, in that search for tools to learn how to manage my emotions and to stop using eating behaviors as a way to solve my inner world, I came across illustration.

Ever since I was little, I've loved to draw. I always remember myself with a pencil in my hand, capturing imaginary worlds on paper. And during my illness, I remember a relapse where I clung so tightly to this resource that I could say it saved my life . I drew constantly, releasing what I was unable to express with my voice. I fought the eating disorder with a pencil and paper. And little by little, I progressed in my recovery, I defeated the monsters, I slowly began to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

This artistic medium helped me throughout my years of recovery . Along with the work of professionals specializing in eating disorders, illustration helped me to understand myself better. I learned that illness wasn't the way to manage my emotions. That anorexia, bulimia, or any eating disorder (ultimately, although with different names and physical symptoms, all eating disorders are characterized by poor emotional self-management; the tip of the iceberg changes, but what we don't see, the larger part, is what they all have in common, and that's something we mustn't forget to address), wasn't helping me achieve happiness, wasn't solving my problems. I had to find other tools that would truly be useful to me.

Once I recovered, I continued illustrating. I can't imagine my life without this form of expression. I think it's fascinating, that it really works and helps. That's why I opened my Instagram account @quiseseranaymia , where, using my experience and illustration, I give a voice to eating disorders and mental health. I've also published the graphic novel *Yo también quise ser como Ana y Mía* (I Too Wanted to Be Like Ana and Mia) , in which I tell my story through panels, giving a positive message to society: it's possible to see the light again.

Seeing the positive response to both initiatives, and the messages of gratitude I receive daily, my goal is to take the " I Wanted to Be Ana and Mia" project even further and offer society this tool that has helped me so much in my recovery process. Because illustration is an artistic medium that can be very powerful when it comes to expressing feelings. It has helped me, and I'm sure it can help many others.

Through talks and illustration workshops, I want to convey the truth about these illnesses to the public and raise awareness of the importance of good emotional management from a young age. And I can't think of a better way to do this than through drawing, my greatest ally throughout all these years. It's the tool that brought me back to life, and thanks to which I can now shout from the rooftops that recovery is possible and that "you can see the light again!"